All-or-Nothing Thinking

As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that I suffer from all-or-nothing thinking. A friend of mine once told me that I was a perfectionist, and I laughed until she explained that I was the type of perfectionist who completely gave up trying at all if I couldn't do it perfectly.

What a bondage! Perfection or nothing at all...and so I ended up doing nothing at all, seemingly giving up while anger and frustration seethed deep inside.

This thinking has affected every area of my life, keeping me from trying new things (if I can't do it right the first time, I wasn't going to do it at all), keeping me from being myself with people I didn't know well (hey, if they don't know who I really am, their rejection won't mean as much), keeping the house clean (it didn't stay clean, and I was easily overwhelmed so it was easier to ignore it than to fight what seemed to be a losing battle), and more obviously, this thinking kept me from living a healthy life.

All or nothing...I didn't give myself room to make mistakes, to recover from those mistakes and move on, learning from them. I buried my anger and disappointment in food and an attitude of "why bother?" It wouldn't make a difference anyway.

Over the past few years I've slowly been learning to let go of this and to take those risks and make mistakes. The truth is, I don't have to be perfect to be liked, and even to be loved. I simply need to do my best and give myself grace when I mess up.

Applying this truth to my physical health is giving me the room to live my life and the freedom to make those healthy choices.

I found this article on About.com's Weight Loss Channel. I found it to be extremely helpful and hope it's the same for you :)

5 Steps to Banish All-or-Nothing Thinking
Take the middle ground when it comes to losing weight.
By Jennifer R. Scott, About.com

When you want to lose a significant amount of weight, it's easy to fall into all-or-nothing thinking ...

You rationalize: 1. ) You have to follow a super-strict diet to succeed and/or 2.) If you fall off the wagon and eat junk for a day or two, you've blown it altogether.

This train of thought can be very detrimental to your weight loss efforts, but it's all too easy to fall into. So what's a "loser" to do?

Step One: Loosen Up
The first way to avoid all-or-nothing thinking is to shake the idea that you must follow an extremely restrictive diet to lose weight.

The fact is, most people who successfully maintain weight loss don't diet. They make healthy, permanent lifestyle changes, such as cutting back on calories, practicing portion control, and reigning in emotional eating.

Successful "losers" focus on weight management, not just weight loss.

Step Two: Give In... Just a Little
Severely limiting your food intake or completely cutting out your favorite foods sets you up to binge. Temptation becomes much less powerful when you can have just a taste of something "bad" now and again instead of telling yourself it's off limits for good.

This can be daunting at first. But you will become accustomed to satisfying your craving with a smaller amount of your trigger foods and you'll learn "when to say when".

Step Three: Stop Saying the "D Word"
We "go on" and "go off" diets after every holiday season; we say "I start my Monday." only to be off it by the weekend. Nobody says "I start my new way of life Monday." But that's exactly what we need to do. An effective diet isn't just for Christmas, it's for life.

To find a way-of-eating that works for the long haul, be leery of any plan that restricts entire food groups or that relies on one type of food (e.g. soup, pre-prepared entrees) as its mainstay.

We need variety not only for nutritional reasons, but also to satisfy ourselves. Believe me, because I've been there: Go on a diet that requires you to eat foods you don't like -- or completely omits your favorites -- and you will eventually dread every meal.

Step Four: Forgive Yourself
So ... you've decided to give Step Two a try and allow yourself your favorite treat, chocolate chip cookies. But you don't stop at a couple ... you eat half the package. Then, for breakfast tomorrow morning ... you polish off the other half.

Have you completely blown your diet again? Does that mean it’s time to give up altogether? Do you think, "Maybe I'm just not cut out for this." and go back to old eating habits?

Not allowing yourself to make mistakes is the worst mistake you can make. Seriously.

Here's some food for thought: All-or-nothing thinking is a way to let yourself off the hook. It's an escape route. ("Oh, now I've screwed up. Glad I don't have to bother anymore".).

There's an old saying that goes, "No matter how far along you are down the wrong path, it's never too late to turn back.". So don't think just because you made bad choices today, you can't start over tomorrow.

It sounds trite, but every day truly is a new beginning. You can't erase last night’s binge, but you can aim for a much healthier today!

Step 5: Celebrate Small Victories
Go ahead: Praise yourself for the small challenges you surmount; you won't give up so easily if you do.

Yes, choosing 2-percent over whole milk is a victory. Doing an exercise video on Friday is a triumph, even if it’s the first day you've exercised this week.

Take it easy on yourself as you're learning how to be a new, improved, healthier you. After all, you're only human... a soon-to-be-much-lighter human!